Saturday, June 28, 2014

Restless

That weird mind space at 4 am when you wake up unexpectedly and your brain is a jumble of dream and wake and everything feels mad and scary and sad and you desperately want to retreat to your sleep, but you can’t. You’re awake and suffering and confused and you have to piss so bad your side hurts. You rub your eyes while you’re at the toilet -- hoping to rub that craziness right out of your brain, but your knuckles bruise your eyes and sheets of geometric explosions spread out and heighten the weirdness of it. Atheist or not, you’re praying to some god to let you fall back to sleep as the clock approaches 5 a.m. and you’re wondering if this is it -- a stroke, an aneurysm, or the first stages of Alzheimer's. But you catch your breath. A calming wave comes over you, and you drift away. The next thing you know it’s 8 a.m. and you’re a touch late for work, but the world has snapped back into place. It feels normal again. But you remember that madness. That confusion. That fear. And you only hope to make the day a good one as you’re up and pissing once more. Relief.

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